Since getting an office space Downtown, I now take public transportation to work. Taking the Skytrain aka metro system, was a major source of anxiety. I would feel trapped as soon as I got on the train, feeling the air leaving and walls closing with each new person that got on.
Crammed next to a bunch of people during rush hour was a terrifying experience for me, I would begin trying to get some extra space around, but the anxiety continued to build and I would often get off before a full panic attack occurred. I remember many times, getting off a train and waiting for the next train to come, hopefully with fewer people. Generally the next train would be just as full, damn it, why didn’t I stay on that last train.
Now feeling embarrassed and like an idiot for getting off the train, I would wait until a train came that I felt comfortable getting on and would continue home.
Having now controlled my anxiety, I find taking the Skytrain a very different experience. I walk on the train and see all the space and how I can breathe regularly, even during rush hour when its packed with people.
Going through this anxiety self-management process, I have become appreciative in the minor details in life. The feeling of getting on public transportation and being relaxed, enjoying the ride and taking a martial arts class and enjoying the workout, these are the small victories that I cherish.
It’s a different feeling these days, more focused, but I’m grateful for this change and to be actually living life now, I wish you the best on your journey.