March 16

How To Deal With Haters

I love it when people don’t like my talks.

This may seem counterintuitive as a public speaking professional, but let me explain…

I recently gave a 3-hour seminar at one of our local business meetings here in Vancouver, with 33 people in the room.

20 minutes into this seminar, a lady in the back row gets up, and just starts walking out.

I continue to do my talk, do the seminar, and it was amazing.

At the end of the talk, I have a bunch of people come up to me and say, “Hey, that was amazing. Thank you so much.

Then a few of them say to me, “Hey, I just want to apologize for that lady that left. It was so rude.”

In response I say, “No, no, no, don’t apologize. It’s a good thing. I actually want that to happen.

Needless to say, their jaws dropped at my response.

Why Turning Off (Some) Of Your Crowd Is Good

Despite common perception, being rejected is actually a good thing.

Especially as a public speaker.


Because it means you’re polarizing your audience.

You’re polarizing your audience by sharing a message that’s 100% true to yourself on stage. And by doing so, you’re attracting the people who LOVE everything about you.

Of course, as a natural by-product, you’ll also turn off those who don’t resonate with you at all.

But rather than getting caught up with those who are turned off by what you say, learn to see it as a sign that you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing.

That isn’t always the case, however – there are times where there are other factors in play. For example:

  • Your audience’s expectation of you is much higher than how you come across
  • Your topic doesn’t match what your audience is interested in

But once you get those other factors right, it all comes down to fully owning who you are, and expressing yourself outright.

Polarize To Monetize – It’s You VS Yourself

As a speaker, I always come from a place of needing to polarize to monetize.

I do my talks one sole purpose: to attract my ideal tribe.

If as an audience member, you get so riled up, turned off, or triggered by me suggesting certain things, then guess what?

We’re not a good fit.

And there’s probably someone else out there better suited to serve you.

When I was speaking at the 3-hour seminar (the example I mentioned above) and the lady walked out 20 minutes into my presentation, I was in the middle of explaining that the fastest way for you to become a confident communicator is to take full ownership – that there is no external opponent, and there isn’t anybody else holding you back.

With all the speakers I’ve ever worked with, it’s never the content that gets in the way of them sharing their message on bigger stages.

Instead, what gets in the way are their fears, anxieties and vulnerabilities of “How will I look? Will I embarrass myself? Are these people going to judge me? What are they thinking? What if I mess up and blank out?

In other words, it’s all internal.

It’s you VS yourself.

I want you to keep this in mind every time you go on stage to share your message.

Whenever you’re speaking to an audience, remember, it’s not about you VS them. It’s not about what you’re saying VS what they believe to be right.

It’s you VS yourself.

Go out there. Share your truth. Some people in the audience are not going to agree with it, and they’re going to walk out.

Polarize. Turn some people off.

When you’re sharing your message, you want to come from a place where you understand not everyone’s going to love you.

I wholly believe that there’s nothing better for building your confidence than that.

So start taking full ownership, and learn to share your truth in the face of rejection.

The 20-20-60 Principle

One technique that I use is the 20/20/60 Principle.

How it works is, every time you’re getting up to speak to a cold audience, know that:

  • 20% of people are going to love you regardless of what you say
  • 20% are going to hate you regardless of what you say
  • 60% are on the fence – they haven’t decided what they think about you yet

The 20% That Love You

20% are going to love you because they like the way you look, they like the way you sound, they like the way you dress. They just like your style. They like everything about you. They’re along for the ride and you’re completely connected to them.

You don’t have to do much with this section of the crowd.

The 20% That Hate You

20% are going to hate you. They’re going to hate the way you look, they’re going to hate the way you sound, hate the way you dress, hate the way your style comes across.

The same things that people are going to love you for, other people are going to hate you for it.

There’s no way around it. We have to embrace it.

The faster that you embrace it, and start coming from that place of “I’m not trying to be loved by everyone, I’m going to be me and I’m going to attract some people, and I’m going to turn some other people off.”, the faster you’ll see results.

Sometimes people get angry.

In fact, you might be angry right now, thinking about potential ‘haters’.

I see this so much, where people get caught up dwelling on how people hate them.

But it’s not about haters. It’s about personal connection.

If there’s a style that doesn’t connect with somebody in my audience, I genuinely hope they find someone who’s a better fit. It’s that simple.

There’s no hate, there’s no malice there.

I really hope, because I believe that confident speaking is essential for anybody, that they’ll find the trainer that they connect with.

Because if you connect with your trainer, you’re more likely to do the work, make progress, and become a more confident speaker.

Conversely, if you don’t connect with your trainer, you’re more likely to resist what they teach you. You won’t make as much progress and you’ll end up unsatisfied with the whole experience.

The 60% That Are On The Fence

60% are going to be undecided.

They’re going “Okay, this is interesting, I haven’t quite bought in yet, let me see what else is coming up.

This is where you want to focus most of your time.

A common trap most speakers make is they focus too much on trying to win over the audience that hates them.

An audience member might have their arms crossed, be on their phone the whole time, and just look disconnected. And it’s almost as if everyone else in the audience is blurred out, and the speaker feels compelled to win over them. They then start coming from a place of needing to please and wanting to be liked by everyone.

It’s simply not possible. And it’s guaranteed death for your confidence.

Instead, keep your power and stay true to yourself. Just share your message and trust that you’re going to attract your ideal client.

Focus on the 60% that are on the fence.

Share with them, connect with them, and engage with them.

They’re the biggest opportunity that’s there. It’s also how you’re going to maintain your power when you are speaking in front of a group.


Now you might be wondering “Lucas, does that mean if there’s 10 people in the crowd, I need to look for the 2 people that love me, the people that hate me, and just focus on the 6 people that are on the fence?

These are guideline numbers. It’s not an exact science.

Don’t start a talk in front of 10 people going, “All right, who hates me? Who’s specifically hates me? I’m going to ignore you for the next 20 minutes.

The 20/20/60 is just a framework to help you maintain your power. To help you remind yourself to not try to win everybody over. To stay true to your message and attract your ideal clients.

Because that’s where you’ll be the most aligned and powerful.

With that said, if you’re thinking “Hey Lucas, this sounds great, I love what you’re saying.” and you’re thinking about potentially working with me either through private coaching or finding out more about my training programs, fill out this application form here.

My team and I will have a look through it, and if it’s a good fit, we’ll have a call.

If the result of the call is a good fit, we’ll work together.

Until then, remember, whatever challenges you come across, it’s you VS yourself.

You’ve got this.

Lucas Mattiello
Level Up Living

P.S. If this content connects with you and you know someone who might benefit from these tips, make sure you share it with them because by doing so you’re being a leader – you’re inspiring others by sharing knowledge that’s going to help them.


20-20-60, haters, haters gonna hate, polarize to monetize, Public speaking anxiety

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  1. Good approach, Lucas! I agree with you, we are never going to win over everyone in an audience so no point in worrying about those that do not appreciate what we have to offer and you are right, let them leave. I have actually turned down contracts when the discussion interview has shown that they are going to be difficult to work with or want to control every word and every graphic on my slides…..this will not work for me. I like to have fun with my audience and if they are enjoying the learning experience there is a far better chance that they will actually start using the strategies, approaches and skills that I am offering to them.

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