Yesterday was an interesting day as being single and starting my business has left me with many question marks and remaining patient to see how the ride progresses. I took time yesterday to read and found an interesting passage by one of my favorite authors-Mark Nepo. His summary is:
“To Hold nothing back in every breath is a spiritual practice.”
He goes on to say that he has found that hesitation, more than anything, has been the invisible hitch that has kept him from joy. That the moment with all its meaning often moves on by the time he reconsiders whether or not to enter it.
I can relate to this statement as I have found many times facing a decision and paralysis by analysis. Many times one option leaves and my decision is easy, but the thoughts of taking the other option enter and always feels like it would have been the better choice. This often leads to blaming myself for being indecisive and not listening to my initial instinct. This is what I refer to as the “Grey Zone” where a black and white decision is to be made and I choose to stall until my options are reduced or miss out, only to replay the situation and how I could have handled it better for hours after, often affecting my sleep as the thoughts swirl.
Reading this passage yesterday, made me realize that the fear isn’t in making a poor decision, but is in not listening to what my intuition is advising and being placed in this grey zone.
This was an important realization for my business and personal life as I have committed to acting on opportunities, listening to my inner voice, making a decision and moving forward with full energy.
I put this into action last night, as I went out with a couple friends as I wanted to share Valentine’s day with people I care for and enjoy their company. We were at a restaurant having a couple drinks, when a women that I know through my friend walked in. She’s also single and we have spoken before and I enjoyed her company and thought I would like to meet up and get to know each other, see where it goes.
So her and her friend came over and said hi to our table and as she was leaving was commenting on how she was single and it was Valentine’s Day:( I acted without hesitation and said “why don’t you sit with us?” She was caught off-guard as she had committed to sitting with friends at the bar and declined.
This was a success, not because she didn’t join a group of entertaining guys that were looking to share some laughs and enjoy the night, that’s her decision. The success was that I acted without letting the hesitation and resistance that generally accompanies these situations and was direct. This reinforced the standard I want to achieve where things are black and white, it was very liberating to experience this.
I went to bed last night with a clear head, there weren’t any thoughts of what I could have said or done different, by putting it out there, it leaves the ball in the other person’s court to react with. This marked a successful and happy Valentine’s Day as I shared it with people I care about, had some great laughs, and increased my boldness.
What situations get you stuck in the grey zone?
How could you be change this to become more direct?