Have you ever had an opportunity to speak in public, but passed it up because you felt nervous, worried that it wouldn’t be perfect, and then beat yourself up, thinking how great that opportunity would have been for your career and frustrated as you think “I should be able to do this, why am I struggling?”
If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone, and the good news is that you can regain control and first, we must look at what’s preventing you from seizing these opportunities.
There’s often a great deal of frustration, anger, and embarrassment with public speaking nerves because logically, you should be able to do it.
You realize your health won’t be at risk, you do speak with people all day, and you’re aware of the many benefits that being able to speak with confidence will give you, but for some reason, often the thought alone of standing in front of a crowd brings up feelings of fear, nervous thoughts, and your heart starts beating fast.
So to get past this, we have to avoid surface level “logical thinking” and look deeper into what holds us back from becoming a confident communicator because this is where freedom is found.
What’s Holding You Back
It’s the chains…
Thick, heavy, cold, restrictive chains.
The ones that restrict you, creates self-doubt, and allows the fear-based stories to build so you continue to play safe, to blend in, and not gain the freedom that comes with the ability to speak with confidence in any situation.
These chains are individual, we all have our own, so it’s important to avoid comparing yourself to others because what’s holding you back, isn’t the same for others.
Engaging in this comparison is one of the quickest ways to lose power because it doesn’t matter what’s holding others back, this isn’t about them, this is about you.
Why you must identify your chains:
Some people will read this post and not do anything about it, they may just not be ready, but you know that breaking these chains is important because you want to be free.
The first step is awareness to what your chains are. Many people go through life unaware that they are being held back, they haven’t done the exploration or the prospect to go inside is too frightening, so they continue to let opportunities pass them by and hoping that one day, they will be able to speak with confidence.
“One day” doesn’t exist. The situation will not improve, it will only get worse as the longer you wait to take informed action, the more comfortable you will become with avoiding opportunities and the fears will gain a firmer grip on you.
While it can be a frightening process, without identifying what’s holding you back, you will continue to play out the same daily routine, achieving certain levels of success, but not breaking through, not experiencing the exhilaration that comes with not only pushing your comfort zone, but redefining it.
Once you have identified your chains, then you have the awareness needed to start breaking them because without having a clearly defined obstacle, you cannot create a plan to overcome it.
How To Identify Your Chains
Begin by reflecting on:
- What are some speaking goals you have, but haven’t achieved yet
- Of these goals, what reasons do you have for not achieving them?
- Of these reasons, what excuses do you see?
- Ask yourself “Have I adopted someone else’s excuses?” Often excuses are observed and retained in our younger years
- Imagine what speaking with confidence will look like, what’s preventing you from living it?
This will get you started in identifying some of the chains that are holding you back. Now, you will be looking for them in your daily life, when a speaking opportunity comes up and you get any thoughts that tell you to pass on it, you are seeing the chains appearing, now you can fight back.
From my own personal and client’s experiences, you will observe that most of these chains are self-imposed. They’ll often try to be justified, masked with thoughts that you’re not good enough, not educated enough, too much of this, not enough of that…but it’s all bullshit!
When we take the step inside and face our fear, it’s important to realize what fear really is: F.E.A.R.
These fears, limiting beliefs, and the chains all gain power when allowed to flourish in the darkness and remain unchallenged.
They will often hide under the false guise of “safety” as a common myth is that being in the spotlight is not safe and it’s better to blend in, but this is the most dangerous action, as those that blend in are overlooked, forgotten, become afterthoughts.
This is not your goal, you believe in yourself, you have the skills and ability to shine, so let’s shine a spotlight on your fears and start breaking those chains.
Now that you have identified your chains, this is where you take action. The best way I have found to gain control is to take your big goal, think about what you speaking with maximum confidence will look like.
Then take this goal and break it down into smaller pieces, working backwards from your end goal to the smallest first piece…now you know where to start.
While it would be great to break these massive chains in one big step, this is counter-productive as you’ll put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and will struggle as a result.
The most effective way is to start with a small victory, build your successes and observe the shackles coming off as you feel more powerful, then you will take bolder actions, and gain the sense of freedom that comes with having a goal and taking action towards achieving it.
There will be a phase of discomfort, as your old habits fight back and try to get you to return to the restricted version of yourself. Expecting this reduces the impact it will have, keep pushing and your new behaviours will win out because this is your opportunity to make a stand, to win the internal battle, reclaim your freedom.
I want to break these chains
You want to do this, but if you would get faster results with the guidance, support, and accountability of a coach that has gone through this journey personally and has also helped hundreds of clients do the same, then the Communicate With Confidence program could be a great fit for you.
Speaking in public is feared greater than death for most people, but also represents the biggest advantage you can gain in business as confident communication is a leadership skill that is universally admired and respected.
This program brings those fears to the surface, then through live coaching, techniques, and feedback in a safe, supportive, small-group environment, you gain the ability to break those chains and redefining your comfort zone.
Experience the feeling of freedom and gain the ability to communicate in an authentic, professional, and polished manner. Click this link for the Communicate With Confidence program info: