February 7

A vulnerable post into my dark side of judgement


I was going to post about how the snow camouflages my grey hair, but often jokes can camouflage how people truly feel.

Lucas snow selfie

Recently, I attended a 3-Day personal development training as I believe that the best investment I can make is in personal development as on the path to be the best version of myself, it’s a matter of identifying my blind spots and this is where the training is invaluable.

On the 1st day, I had a heated disagreement with the trainer. She asked if she could very direct with me, I said yes, then she said: “you are arrogant, think you’re better than others, and will never reach my potential if I stay like this.”

This hurt because at my core, helping people achieve their potential, moving past the barriers that hold them back, and increasing their confidence is my mission in life, so to hear that I can be perceived this way, was painful.

While walking home and reflecting on it, I decided that it was just her opinion, that she was insecure, angry, and by saying this in front of a group of fellow participants, showcased how unprofessional she was. 

That night, I woke up at 3 am and it hit me on the head like a sledgehammer…While I care deeply for about people, there are times when I can be arrogant. It is keeping me from reaching my potential, and the thought of a future like this scared the shit of me.

It brought a flood of flashbacks when a potential client didn’t sign up…it wasn’t me, it was all their fault, their loss. These people that didn’t take actions in their life…well, they just weren’t winners.

This type of thinking was an armor that only created distance from true connection as when viewing everyone only from my place of how they should be acting, it robbed me of the opportunity to see it from their perspective.

I woke up in the next morning and walking back into the training for Day 2, I was sick to my stomach as I had a massive knot from the processing experienced the night before. and a lady in my grouped who I had labeled “not confident” the day before.

Then, at the start of the day, a lady in my group, who I had labeled as “not confident” the day before spoke with me during lunch.

She shared that when she was a teen, her step dad would drug her when they went out for lunch and she was forced to have sex with random men in a rented apartment. This went on for years and she’s carried this secret for 30 years of her life. It was this moment when I realized the damage of labeling others as considering what she had been through, the having low confidence is understandable.

My judgment was so unfair and she gave me a gift by sharing to see that when judging before knowing someone’s story, means we both lose.

Our world becomes more connected and understanding when we take the time to get to actually know others instead of judging first.

You’re a leader, capable of making this change in your life and together, our actions will inspire change!

So what’s 1 change you will make?


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