Lingerie, your red dress dress, for a guy, perhaps that fitted suit. With so much focus on outfits this Valentine’s Day, the ingredient that makes any of these outfits truly sexy, is confidence.
“Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become.”
-Dr. Maxwell Maltz -Psycho-Cybernetics.
This book was excellent as Dr. Maltz spoke about how as a plastic surgeon, patients would occasionally receive dramatically more beautiful cosmetic appearances, but would feel the same because their self-image was the area that needed to be enhanced, not their exterior.
How often do we see beautiful people that when you speak with them, feel ugly or focus on their negative traits instead of the hundreds of positive ones they possess.
Confidence is the key to looking sexy, it’s that ability to be comfortable in your own skin, to own your “flaws” and recognize your self-worth.
Here’s 3 ways you can improve your confidence:
1. Love yourself today-as is.
Mistake: Delaying your happiness until you achieve a future goal.
You will not get it, because you must visualize what the future goal is, then take action to build towards it. For example, an average sprinter wouldn’t say, “one day I will be a champion and continue doing the same training that has got them to be average. To be a champion, you must adjust your actions to be world-class, then apply it over time to achieve your goals.
I hear this frequently: “When I lose xxx pounds, make xxx money, drive xxx car, then I will be happy.”
You’re perfect as you are today and in the process of continuously improving.
Mindset Shift: “I’m in the process of…” Apply whatever goal you’re after and tell yourself that you’re in the process of achieving your goal.
2. Perfection doesn’t exist:
Mistake: Comparing yourself to “perfect.”
You are in a competition, but that competition is with the version of yesterday’s best version of you.
There’s always room to improve yourself, you wouldn’t read a bunch of books and say “I’m maxed out of knowledge” there’s always lessons to be learned. Embrace the experiences of successes and setbacks as they’re all providing you with information to make you a better person.
Mindest Shift: Everyone has their own insecurities. In my work, the one guarantee is that everyone has their own spots of insecurity and often, you would never suspect what it is. People become skilled at masking them, sometimes it’s with alcohol, avoiding certain situations, trying hard to be that funny person or they’ll make jokes about themselves.
As humans, we all have our own struggles, when you see people and feel intimidated, know that deep down, they’re struggling or have struggled with something that they’re embarrassed about. Our beauty isn’t in the shiny armour we present to the outside world, it’s in the knicks and scars we’ve picked up along our journey.
3. Stack your wins.
Mistake: Not giving yourself credit for your accomplishments. I see this frequently, where people will only speak about their major successes or downplay them if ever mentioned.
This is a trap because in this world of constant comparison, especially when on social media, you’re seeing only the highlights of everyone’s day, it can make it look like you’re not doing much with your life, which can erode confidence, it’s important to take note of every accomplishment you make daily, no matter how insignificant you feel it might be.
Because doing so forces you to acknowledge the fact that you are succeeding everyday, not only succeeding, but you’re having multiple successes daily. when you begin doing this, it’s like compounding interest with money as your list of successes continue to grow, your confidence will build because you have a written list of all the successes you’ve accomplished.
If I can leave you with one final thought, it would be:
The only person you must convince is yourself, which is also the most difficult person to convince, but by taking action with these tools provided, you will begin tracking your successes and building your confidence, which will make you look even sexier in whatever outfit you’re wearing this Valentine’s Day.